•AMISH'S POV•
The sound of cutlery faded behind as I headed out. Giving life to the engine of my bike, I rode towards Azran's house.
The wind passed by me, reminding me of my whirlwind of thoughts that I have been trying to ignore.
Before our wedding she used to bump on me like a small package of sunshine which she is. My clumsy sunshine.
But now, I get to hear her voice measured and small, shoulders hunched like she's trying to be invisible from a harm that I would never let reach her.
The circumstances that our wedding happened would let any girl question her priority. But it's not about that, it's about the hatred her eyes reflect towards me. The fear in them whenever I get closer. Even if it's little, a smaller approach.
The distance she pulls between us everytime I reach out for her. I thought cooking for her would ease the tension. I thought helping her would make her feel seen.
But nothing I do seems to matter.
Her silence screams louder than any words ever could.
And the worst part? I don't blame her, for anything.
Love don't happen over the night and I don't expect her to feel something forced for me. And I can wait.
But I just can't stop myself from hoping for her to trust me, accept me as her husband and to hope for her to be normal with me.
As the iron gates closed behind, all I could wonder the way she is carefree with Azran, that bastard but not me. Despite the inner conflicts I felt during the wedding ceremonies before everything changed, I had always noticed how playful and full of sunshine she was with everyone. Even though I could tell sometimes it was just her defense mechanism, the bond she shares with Azran and Ayaan was adorable and real enough for me to crave for it.
As I stood by the door, hesitating for a moment because he ain't leaving me without reading my mind. I just sometimes hate the fact that we have known each other since childhood.
But maybe a talk with him is all I need now.
As Azran opened the door, faint sounds of a tv show played from behind. He just stood there rooted, staring at me. Morelike judging me from top to bottom making me scowl.
"Have you done checking out on me?"
"Bro, you look like shit."
"Nice to meet you too." I walked past him, already drained from everything and the woman who has the power to keep me grounded is stubborn on pushing me away.
"If I were you, I would never leave my wife even for second but look at you spending time with me like you married me yesterday and not Irha." Azran passed a soda can, our eyes fixed on the screen but mind else where.
Silence prevailed except for the boring show this idiot has been watching.
"You know what your problem is?"
"What?" I almost snapped my patience wearing thin.
"You think by giving space everything gets fixed. You want them to come to you on their own but all you give is silent treatment. And then you wonder what did you lack? Why ain't this working?"
He stated. Raw and true. That's the thing about Azran, as much as he is the nonchalant, crazy and funny one, he is brutally honest. And yeah, he's that typical play boy, experienced enough. And for now, he is my unpaid love guru.
I stood silent because every single shit he said was true.
"It's not that Azran. I just — " he cut me off.
"Do you love her?"
"I do. The word love will never be enough to describe what I feel for her, Azran."
I swallowed hard, the what if thoughts reaching back to my mind.
"I just can't even bear the thought of someone else in her heart. I don't wanna steal away her happiness by keeping her with me but without her, I - "
I paused, swallowing back my words. The thought of someone else in her life is too hard to handle. It physically hurts as much it hurts emotionally.
"Fuck it." He cursed, placing a neatly wrapped box on the table and leaned back, staring at me.
"You really think she has someone else in her life?"
I didn't answer because what if I was wrong and what if I wasn't?
"You got married to her – for hours, a day?"
"It's not like — " he cut me in middle, again.
"Then?" He paused before continuing,
"Listen Amish, there's no one else in her mind. If you are so uncertain, speak to her." He added but how will I tell him that when I try to, it never works.
Her words in the morning — "stay in your limits" is constanly repeating in the back of my head.
I let his words sink in, wanting to believe him and hope that was the truth. And the way he said that, he stated like it was loyal, a fact. Than his opinion. And if so, the problem wasn't anything, but me.
Me and this marriage.
"Give her time, Amish. She didn't sign into this entire life."
Maybe, he's right.
Maybe I am rushing things and I should give her time. But the look she gives me, I wish I could be anything rather than the person she hates.
And then Azran smirked, grinning suddenly. Hope he is not possessed by some spirit.
"This box.. Give it to my sister."
Sister, who?
"Who?" I ain't thinking anything straight, I knew it. But he doesn't have any sisters. I have known him for years.
He looked at me, clearly disappointed like I forgot his name and entire existence.
"Irha. Amish. Rehman." He punctuated every single word before adding, "my sister before your wife."
At least he ain't calling her as Irha Shah like his so called sister does.
"But now she is my wife. Then your sister." I replied. Low and intense. She's mine.
Slipping the box he had placed into my pocket, I walked away.
"And moreover she's my angel before you even knew her" I added with a smirk knowing that I had hitted a nerve.
On my way back to the mansion, to my home. I stopped as I passed by a flower shop. It reminded me of her, the way she always looked beautiful and soft. I had to get her some flowers. Even if she won't take it, that's fine.
I didn't know her favourites. A moment of realization and reality crushed back into me.
I am still just a stranger for her despite being her husband. I knew nothing about her.
Hoping for a better start, I started making a small bouquet of white roses and light blue delphiniums which resembled the colour of her outfit today.
She looked absolute fuckingly beautiful. Like mine — innocent, gorgeous and breath taking.
Satisfied with the bouquet, I payed the florist before riding back home.
Would she be waiting for me? Come on Amish, stop being delusional. I reminded myself but still stupidly, like a teenage lover boy, I secretly hoped for it.
As I entered back home, my angel, my wife's soft giggle filled my ears making me smile automatically. She was sitting with Ayaan, clearly being herself but when her eyes met mine, there was shift in her composure.
Her smile dropped, her eyes almost went from glinting to cold, empty and something more which I can never know. I wish I couldn't notice this much.
Ayaan was always mindful with whom he bonds, we cousins were similar on this fact. But look at her, easily cracking his guard and getting into his circle.
Jealous.. Am I? I don't know.
With a forced smile, I started moving when I heard Ayaan from behind.
"Amish, you are back?" I turned with a slight nod.
"Thank God, you came back early. Someone wasn't even –"
"Ayaan bhai," Irha interupted.
Wait. What was he gonna say?
"What's it Ayaan?" I asked, slightly interested on what he was about to say.
"Well.." Ayaan dragged then shaked his head with a sigh.
"Don't get caught by auntie. She was literally scolding you for leaving your wife and hanging out with Azran."
Our heads snapped as we heard my parents room door close behind mom gently.
Mom looked at me directly. Disappointment and disbelief written all over her face.
"Even after marriage are you gonna prove your gay allegations with Azran?"
Ayaan and Irha giggled from behind, covering their mouths. A smile formed on my lips, at least she's being herself for a while. If not with me.
Though it hurts, I guess, it's fine until she's happy.
"I should have doubted when you were making a huge fuss to marry. You could have told me you were into boys, you know I am not soo backwarded."
I looked at mom. It's been quite a while she has been like this, but she's ruining my image infront of my wife.
"Mom," I paused as my mom nodded at me like she's me hinting me something. And right then I heard her small giggle again, making me grin.
Mom's doing it intentionally and I decided to play along.
"Ayaan, you knew it all along and didn't bother to tell me?" Mom directed at Ayaan.
"If I had done, you would have missed your beautiful daughter in law." Ayaan replied like a matter of fact which it is, making Irha freeze as she composed herself.
"Haan haan my daughter is definitely beautiful," Mom wrapped her arms around Irha, kissing her temple.
I couldn't help but smile at admiration.
"Auntie.. She's your favourite now. What about me?" Ayaan whined dramatically, a rare sight for an introvert.
Ayaan joined the hug while I just admired them. As moments passed by, I headed back upstairs again.
As I entered our room, her scent filled my nostrils. The same floral fragrance which has an odd pull on me.
Placing the bouquet and the small box on the cabinet, I moved ahead to refresh. The shower was quick, not urgent. A moment to calm myself, maybe I can change the tension between us. Maybe this is my chance.
I hoped.
Wrapping a towel around my waist, I moved to my walk in closet. Grabbing my white hoodie and joggers, I slid into them when I heard her voice – soft, distant and uncertain.
"Amish" I freezed, my hands stilled. I let a sharp unsteady breath, calming my rapidly beating heart. This was the first ever time she had called me, by my name. It was strangely warm and innocent in her voice.
"Yeah?" The overwhelming sensation I felt was unexplainable. I felt a crack in my heart not out of pain but because of the yearning and I replied before my voice could audibly choke.
"Your coffee" she added quickly before I could even react.
"I don't know whether you had anything after breakfast?"
A smile appeared on my face. I didn't know the reason for her sudden approach. But at least the hatred didn't feel so suffocating like before.
I heard her footsteps fade so I quickly entered our room, not wanting to end this moment.
She stood there, her gaze fixed on the cabinet.
I stood behind her close enough to hear her steady breathing but far enough so that she won't get scared again.
"Uhm.. Azran asked me to give you that box" I spoke tenderly, holding the mug of coffee now.
She turned, our eyes met before she withdrew hers.
"Thank you" I added, a little gesture of gratitude for the coffee.
She nodded, her eyes roaming around the floor.
"Irha" I called out instinctively for no reason. Her gaze met mine again. Uncertain and heavy.
"Thank you," she breathed.
I stared into her eyes while she moved her gaze again. Away from mine.
"For cooking for me. You didn't have to — "
"I did. I have to." I stated firmly. Hoping that it would sink in her little mind that she is not some sort of responsible or obligation for me.
Wrapping her soft fingers around the box, keeping it close to her, she smiled looking at it.
Her features soft and tender. It was clearly not for me but at least, she's happy.
I knew something deeper and heavier is running in her mind, than she shows. Than she pretends she's fine. I know it.
But for now, I don't wanna know that. I just want her to trust me and feel safe around me. Secure enough to share me what bothers her without asking.
I took a sip of the black coffee, the bitter taste calming my thoughts. Just like the way I like.
"You made it?" She nodded, not meeting my eyes like always and before she could walk away like she would I quickly added.
"It's nice." She walked away as I completed. I just smiled, a little wider this time, staring at the way she left until my eyes finally realised the untouched bouquet and the money she had placed last night. The slight happiness and hope that I felt creeping in, faded away.
But.. Maybe.. Just maybe, I can still try. It's just the begining. And if it's for her, it's worth trying a multiple times.
•spoiler•
She stood across me, like a dream straight from heaven. Her fingers curled into tight fists on her sides. The pastel green bridal lehenga adorned her like it was exactly made for her.
I stood up, my legs walking on its own as I stood infront of her, while she gazed down, her jaws clenched.
"Ma sha Allah," I whispered, my eyes never leaving her. The exquisite lehenga is ravishing on her.
"You look beautiful" I swallowed, not sure whether it sounded right. But she's definitely the lethal of mine.
Her eyes met mine for a brief second before she pulled away, but I stood still freezed by her alluring beauty.
How's the chapter? Hope you liked it? Any scenes you loved or hated?
What do you think about Azran's confrontation?
Brace yourself. Something heading up in the upcoming chapters.
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Yours,
Ara.
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