Chapter 8: Reception

•IRHA'S POV•

Seconds ticked and time passed by as I kept on staring at the fresh white roses replaced for the yesterday ones. While the bouquet I saw yesterday, was there on a glass jar.

The hours I spent sitting here across the dressing table felt more than years and finally when the stylists were done, I gazed at myself through the mirror.

I looked different. The woman who was staring back at me wasn't a girl who fled away from her household and family to London. It was a woman dolled up in a pastel green lehenga, hair fell free like waves along my elbow while it was braided half up and down.

The makeup made me look like an actual bride but I am anything but not his actual bride.

A low, gentle throat clearing brought me back to reality and as I scanned around, everyone had already left and he has arrived.

Ever since I asked for divorce, we didn't see each other. Thanks to the reception prepartions which made all of us busy. In my perspective, I am not wrong to ask for it but.. I just don't know. Maybe it was the way he looked at me. Or maybe —

Lies, Irha. All of it are just dramas. All men are just the same. Red flags with different shades.

I reminded myself.

Our eyes met, mine full of storms and his tender and distance.

He looked.. Ravishingly handsome, the suit fitting him perfectly while his hair was styled into sides. I held back my hands, curling them into fists, quickly looking away before I put my thought of running fingers through his hair into actions.

No doubt, he is handsome, attractive and has the muscles and sculptures of a greek god. I agree but it's not about appearance. It's more than just it.

No one wants to the second option for anything and I have only been that ever since I was born. And now I just can't accept to be a replacement for whole my life.

When I almost thought that I am free from all the threads which held back, I got tied with him, forever.

Neither not of my wish nor his.

Getting married? No. Hell, NO. A loveless marriage? Again, no. A loveless marriage where we both aren't even our choices. A big no. NO.

He is a gentleman or that's what he pretends to be. But this all and him are not my cup of tea. Though I am married now, a bitter truth, I am still scared of marriage.

The only real facade of a person will be out when they are mad. And I have seen him gentle, soft spoken and sometimes cold and all but never mad at me. So this is definitely not the real Amish.

"Uhm.. Irha," I heard him, oddly different and distant.

I looked up at him while he was already searching for my eyes.

"We have to go." He informed while I stood up, nodding.

By the time we reached downstairs, everyone and had already headed out. The once full of sounds, laughters and joy hall was silent now.

I liked it, the celebrations and happiness except for that fact I am the bride. Replaced one. And maybe few of their smiles and compliments towards me were totally fake. This is worse than being rude directly.

As we got on the car, he started driving giving life to the engine. The ride to the banquet was silent. Neither of us dared to speak and was there even anything else to speak? No, right.

The ride stretched longer than it actually was because of the awkwardness and guilt. I shouldn't be guilty but I am.

As he parked the car, I couldn't help but look around in amusement. The lights, decoration and soft music was just beyond perfect.

Within a short a period, I wonder how do they manage to do this? Oh well, the reality crashed me right then.

It's not in a short period, it was already planned — for Feeha and Amish. I was the intruder here.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice that Amish had walked to my side and stretched his palm for me.

I looked at his hand, then back at him.

Physical touches disgusts me out, even if it's not even intimate. And Amish not even close to me or someone I know though ironically he is my husband now, it is what it is.

"I know you don't like me touching you," A pause, a low conflicted sigh from him before continuing. "Even if it's just a hand holding, I respect you. But it won't be nice if we walk apart when we are in tied together,"

I looked at him as he added holding my gaze,

"Forever."

Something about the forever he said felt different. Charged, rough and full of emotions which felt distant this time.

After another pause, a longer one, he quickly added.

"Actually it's fine. If you don't want to just —"

He swallowed back, his words dying down his throat as I held his hand suddenly.

He looked at me stunned, hand cold against my warm hand. I just ignored and got down from the car overwhelmed with the sudden forced contact which I could have avoided but..

Irha what has happened to you? Hold back your guards. Don't be stupid like always and trust everyone. Especially men who speak like dripping honey.

His hold was firm though it was gentle and I already knew, I can't pull back just like that without extra force. But by the time I was about to pull my hand, we had already reached to the entrance, everyone's head snapping towards us. Eyes calculating, judging and what not.

I don't know whether the problem is actually them or the way I think. Can't predict because no one shows their real face, it's all just masked up.

The lights shifted along with the music to a soft, soothing melody as we walked toward the stage.

What's the use of these events? Just stand there, watch everyone to gossip and judge, for kids to run around, youths to laugh and chatter.

For us to fake smile and be like trained robots. Smile, thank, take photographs and stand till our legs give up?

As I climbed up the stairs with Amish helping me with my lehenga — ohhh.. Such a gentleman.

Rubbish. If he was a gentleman, he should have denied to marry me. Not even truthful to Feeha — the woman he loved and still loves. And then pretending like he really considers me like his wife when I am just convenience.

We sat beside each other, his hand still holding mine like he don't want to let go.

Right then, my mom approached me. She looked gorgeous in her golden saree. Her expression serious but faked with a smile.

Giving a smile to Amish who was not really happy with our family members yet polite, she leaned towards me. Her words colder than antartica.

"Smile. This is not a funeral, it's your reception." She commanded, short and clipped.

I immediately felt conscious, I haven't been smiling from the moment we arrived here. But then well.. I haven't smiled since I got married to him.

Come on Irha, it's not about a real, genuine smile. Just fake it, not like this is the first time. It has always been my way of pretending to be okay — non stop yapping, over excitement and bundle of happiness which was never real.

I quickly flashed a forced smile — a soft, happy one which will never reach my eyes.

She nodded, satisfying.

"Good. No one would marry you for your misfortune and he still married you even after knowing you are the reason, Feeha ran away. So better you don't disappoint them and us, and keep that smile."

She reminded me again. This is how I am here, living Feeha's life when I did nothing and still be accused.

I held back from replying back, well I am her daughter and I can say things worse than this. But she's my mother and I still love her as much as I am hurt.

And drama is the least thing I want when my life had already become a drama. Not like I don't like drama, I like to see it just not to be in it.

She stepped back, going back to our family and relatives while I looked straight, towards no one in particular. Inaya and Kabir weren't there, with them. Idiots didn't even call me while I was away. That weirdly hurt me because I used to live without any contacts with them for months but these two days, I just needed them alot.

I can't even blame them. How can I expect someone to be for me always when I end up pushing them away?

As his hand still held mine, a constant reminder of my bitter life, my mind was on that day, how my life changed.

Two days back, I was tapping my feet impatiently as Inaya took her sweet time to adorn her. She didn't even need makeup to look beautiful, she's a girl who's naturally attractive but still she chooses to doll up more. I had no issues with it, but we were already late since we woke up late.

"Inaya.. We are running late. Now someone's gonna break the door and yell at us." I was joking to her with an underlying seriousness, oblivious to what has been happening downstairs.

I mimicked at their usual taunts while Inaya glanced at me and bursted into laughters.

Our laughters died as the door swung open with furious looking uncle Zahir – Feeha's dad, my dad and mom with a tear streaked auntie Hania – Feeha's mom.

"What the hell have you done, Irha?" My dad yelled at me. I always had avoided because he doesn't only say rude things but he makes me believe it. He ruins my mental peace like no one else do.

I looked at him confused then at mom, hoping she would stand up for me. A stupid hope. Even after I knew what place I held in their hearts.

"Answer me. What. The. Hell. Have. You. Done?" He enunciated each word.

I swallowed hard, something wasn't right.

"What are you speaking of?" Did he find out that I still continued my passion in London? Or did I fail the last exams?

That can't be, I never have failed. And there's no way they will learn about my result, they never cared about it even if I said it unless I get average marks which is below 90.

"Stop acting innocent." My mom shaked my shoulders, bringing me back from my thoughts. Her jaws clenched, eyes red in anger.

"If you don't say, how will I know?"

"It's all because of you. I asked you to abort this misfortune but you wanted her now look at what she has brought us. Has she for once never disappointed us?" My dad spat while I looked down, forcing myself to stay strong despite the tears forming.

"Just ask her where my daughter is, Zain." Zahir uncle dropped straight to the point, his voice cold as grave.

"Feeha? She should be in her room." Inaya replied for me.

"Stay away from this, Inaya." My mom warned her, commanding her to leave as she protested.

"Inaya," dadi stared at her. Inaya looked at me helplessly and left the room while I stayed unmoving.

"Where is Feeha?" They directed the question at me directly.

"I don't know." I replied because I really don't know.

"Stop lying." My mom shaked my shoulders again, her own hands shaking in anger.

Exhaling sharply I replied staring straight into my dad's eyes.

"I don't know. No matter how many times you ask me, the truth is.. I. Don't. Know."

"This badua.." My dad stepped forward, roaring, his hand raising.

"She's nowhere." Aymen dropped before my dad could hit me.

"None of her close friends has any idea and.." Haroon dragged.

"Like I said, I saw didi with her last night. Then at morning, she is nowhere."

"We just spoke.. Just trying to catch up.. Nothing more. Infact she didn't mention about anything related to eloping." I gave my side of explanation assuming that would make them understand me.

"My daughter didn't elope. She won't bring us down like this," Feeha's mom said firmly.

Maybe she didn't. Maybe she won't but she's not here now. Which means..

"The groom side has arrived." Meem, Feeha's friend came rushing in.

"We know you are the reason for Feeha's missing. You instigated her. I want my daughter back now, I don't care what you will do." Zahir said roughly before stepping out along with others while my mom stayed back.

As the door clicked shut, mom faced me.

"Why do you always have to be the disgrace for us? Look because of you, our family have to bow down. For God's sake open your mouth and tell where Feeha is."

"I don't know." I repeated again. Please believe me. When Feeha's mom trust her so much, why can't you, mom? I am YOUR daughter.

I wanted to scream out but infront of her, my lips only trembled. I didn't cry, at least the tears didn't break until now. Hold on Irha, you can.

"You always give me reasons to regret giving you birth, Irha" she pushed me and walked out while I slid down against the wall, staring dead across the room.

This was never new to me.. Never

This is why I left to London, I wish I never returned back here.

Ignoring the sounds of ruckus, I closed my eyes finding peace which I never have received.. Even if I had found it while playing guitar or while reading a novel, it's always temporary.

Minutes dragged on like decades while I sat frozen but as the noise outside increased, I stood up making my mind. When I did nothing wrong then why should I hide?

As I stepped out, I found all the elders of Shahs and Rehmans at one of the living room which is on upstairs.

Of course, they didn't want prying ears.

I hesitated for a moment before stepping toward the living room.

"Alright.. Irha will marry Amish." Dadi announced while I froze behind her.

"NO." I stated from behind as everyone looked at me now.

The womans of Rehmans gave worried glances while my dad gritted his teeth. He stepped forward, voice low not wanting Feeha's in laws to hear.

"I will forget you are my daughter, Irha."

"Have you ever considered me as your daughter?" I stared back at him, my tone matching his.

"How dare you speak like this to me?" He held my arms, painfully.

"You can't rule my life just because you are my father. You have failed to be my father," I swallowed back the rest. There's no use, he will never understand. None have understood me.

"Can we focus on the disdain your daughter has brought us." Amar, Amish's dad said.

"We are sorry for what has happened —" Amna, Amish's mom interupted Zahir.

"We are not asking for your apologizes. We are asking for Mr. Zain's daughter, Irha for our Amish."

"Let's not spoil our families reputations. Like you are asking, Irha will marry Amish." My dad turned toward them.

"No. I don't want to marry. I won't." I stated my disapproval. They should first ask for my approval first.

I scanned the room quickly, hoping Feeha's fiance would also disagree because of course.. Feeha claimed that they love each other. Even if she's not here now, I sensed it yesterday night. She didn't lie, the words matched her eyes.

Unfortunately it was all just the elders.

"Irha!" Mom gave me a warning stare before coming closer to me and pulled me outside while I heard my father say.

"The Nikkah will take place Mr. Amar. Thanks for asking my daughter for your son." What?

I stood frozen on the hallway despite my mom tugging my wrist painfully, I didn't move.

I was firm in my decision. I am not getting married.

I heard footsteps from behind, so it's finalised? Everyone's leaving the living room with decisions already made without my approval?

My mom turned to face me now, "I won't marry him."

"Irha —" before she could continue, I made my point clear.

"You can force me to. But when we are down there, when the qazi asks for my acceptance. I won't accept it."

"I am gonna kill her with my hands now." I heard my dad's footsteps but before he could reach me, Aymen bhai stepped between us.

"Then just kill me. Who's stopping you?" I questioned back. I am done with this.

"Irha, shut up." Aymen bhai said, his back facing me.

"What? You all know it already, I am not daughter of this house who nods for everything you say. I said what I said."

"You instigated Feeha to run away. So you better compensate for what you did." My dad stepped forward again.

"Did you see that I instigated her? Did you?" My voice raised.

"How dare you raise your voice at me," he raised his hand.

"I am asking you to shut up." Aymen yelled between us.

"I won't —" I felt my cheek vibrate, tears blurring my vision.

I expected it to be dad but I was wrong when I opened my eyes, mom had held dad's wrist while Aymen stood across me, his expression serious.

"Who are you to slap me?" I stared at him, my voice cold.

"Get into your room." He pushed me to the room and shut the door loudly from outside.

I was brought back to the reality by Amish as he asked me, leaning forward.

"Are you okay?" I looked at him, not sure of what he is asking but then he glanced at our hands and that's when I realised that I have been gripping his hand tightly.

"I am sorry." As I tried to pull back, he relucantly let me do so.

"No.. I am sorry." He replied, holding my gaze.

For what? I didn't know but all I know is.. For what he did to my life, it can never be mended with his apologizes.

"Woah.. Love is in the air.." I heard Inaya and I quickly looked away from Amish.

"Having eye contacts infront of all these people, quite courageous." Inaya smirked.

I glared at her in response. Did they forget how we got married in the first place.

"Stop teasing my sister." Azran said, wrappig his arm around my shoulder.

"Woah just because your bestfriend got married to her, you instantly adopted her your sister." Inaya mocked. Ughh.. These two..

"Even if they didn't get married, she will always be my sister."

"I wish the first statement was the truth." I smiled bitterly, when they rest three of them looked at me, their expressions unreadable.

"Excuse me," I cleared my throat and quickly walked away, blending into the crowd.

As I reached the restroom, I leaned against the door, trying to breath.

It feels suffocating and the only place which feels right is when I am away from everyone. I hate to go back, but then who cares about what I like and what I don't?

I moved to the wash basin before stepping out and washed my hand, rubbing it thoroughly.

Hate me, blame me — I don't care.

But it's me at every man's touch. Though Amish isn't any creep but my husband. My mind reminded me but it's just on papers.

Composing myself, I stepped out when I heard voices which bought my attention.

"Did you know, she's not the actual bride. Since the bride ran away, they replaced her with her cousin."

I quickly hid behind the pillar.

"They don't even look good together."

"Feeha is doctor and this girl, don't know what does she even do?"

"She lives in London. She probably would have had so many hookups already. Don't we know the culture there?" This time, it was a man's voice. Men in this society would stay silent at every crucial matter and then when it's about a woman's image, they have so many things to say.

I held back from the urge of punching that man's face while I heard another voice.

"No one's happy with the arrangement but look at them, pretending like everying's fine."

I stood there silently listening to their words from behind the pillar. I knew the more I heard of it, the more it will remind me of my past and hurt me. But I couldn't move.

I have wanted to hear this, a closure that I had asked him the right thing.

"I want divorce" those three words felt right until I said it but something inside me felt odd. Maybe the old part of me, who was nice to everyone. Maybe that was the reason.

"Poor Amish, he has to adjust everything for his family's reputation. He had always received what he wishes for, his marriage life is an —"

"Alhamdulillah, my marriage life is the reality of my dream. I am happy with my wife, with this wedding. Do anyone of you have a problem?"

I heard Amish, his voice firm, cold and low.

"No beta.. We didn't mean to say it that way," one of those woman stammered while he stared at her. And at that moment, I knew one thing. If eyes could kill a person, she would be dead.

"But you did say it. If you don't wanna say anything nice, you can stay silent or better, leave." He pressed on the word leave.

"And you, think twice before speaking about my wife or any woman like that. It won't be the same everytime." Amish was standing right infront of that man, brushing invisible dust off his shoulder with a cold smile.

I was shocked but somewhere, I felt a flutter. People taking stand for me is very.. Very rare. And out of all I didn't expect it from him. I didn't even expect anyone to..

I heard them leaving and then I stepped out, like I wasn't eavesdropping to any of these. Like I just came out of the restroom.

His eyes found mine, shifting from cold to tender.

"Irha," I quickly looked away.

"You took long.. So" he reasoned, his voice still distant but not unkind as he walked towards me.

"Are you okay, angel?" He whispered gently, his eyes searching mine while I looked at everywhere except those hazel brown eyes.

"Look at me," he leaned forward.

"Please.." I looked up at him, head tilting up to meet those beautiful.. No, uhh.. Eyes, just eyes..

He smiled. His eyes crinkling at the corners while I just stared at his dimple.

Irha. I had to remind myself to look away.

"Let's go.. They might be searching for us," he walked beside me, his pace slow as I started walking.

But as we reached the main hall, both of us stood frozen on our places at the sight infront. The celebrations, music, chatting has already died down. Most of the people — people, guest and relatives had already left except for a few.

The atmosphere had already shifted from festive to something serious.

I turned to look at Amish, while he was already looking at me. Silence pressed between us and none spoke a word.

How's the chapter? Your opinion on any scenes? Did any scene manage to capture your hearts?